Dunkin Donuts is Out to Get Me

The Dunkin Donuts in my neighborhood is out to get me. They are seriously gaslighting me. And when it's not about the sugar, it's about the milk. A week or so ago, I went in and ordered a large iced coffee with skim milk and sugar. As I was getting my change, I took a sip and it tasted like it had arsenic in it. Not that I know what arsenic tastes like... but it was nauseatingly sweet, how I imagine arsenic would taste if Dunkin Donuts unveiled a new specialty drink, the Arsenicaccino.

"What's in this?" I asked the employee. "It's really strong." She rolled her eyes and said, "You asked for sugar. It's liquid sugar." I said, "Liquid sugar? I'd prefer normal sugar. This is really too sweet." She slammed my coffee down on the counter and said, "You have to ask when you want that. We use liquid." Just like that. No signs, no announcement, no $30 million ad campaign. Suddenly, it's liquid sugar as the default. Except when it's not.

Now, getting an iced coffee at my neighborhood Dunkin Donuts has become an unpleasant chore. I always have to say, "skim milk and sugar...the powdered sugar, not the liquid. Not powdered as in confectioners like on the powdered donuts, but granulated. Do you know what I mean? Please, no liquid sugar. I like my sugar chewable." There's just no graceful way to say it.

And when I go to other Dunkin Donuts and go through my sugar litany they look at me like I'm crazy.  "What is this liquid sugar you speak of? We have never heard of such a thing." So I guess this sugar issue is a strategic decision, made not at the corporate but at the franchise level. Hence no $30 million ad campaign.

Today I went in for an iced coffee, said my usual sugar speech, and the woman went to the fridge and got out regular whole milk and as I was trying to get out the words, "No - skim milk, please," I was leaning over the counter and watching her pour the milk in. She handed it to me and I said, "I asked for skim; may I have skim?" and she said, "No, I heard you and didn't use that milk. I got the skim milk." I SAW HER. I saw her pour the whole milk in. I saw her NOT use skim milk. I tasted not-skim milk. Of course it's not a big deal in the scheme of things, but she LIED TO ME.

I thought, "Am I going crazy? Am I so distracted about the sugar that I'm no longer paying attention to the milk? Should I go check into McLean? What year is it? Where am I?" Then, once the Ativan kicked in, I realized I'm too much of a control freak to leave the milk and sugar components of my iced coffee to others. From now on, it's Starbucks and only Starbucks. Who cares if the coffee costs $8.00 more and I have to order my sizes in fake Italian? I get to ADD THE MILK AND SUGAR MYSELF.  It's well worth my sanity and besides, the coffee actually tastes like - well, coffee, and not dirty water.  With arsenic.

Comments

[Beth Kujawski]

It's not just you. It's them. It's all them, Dunkin' Donuts bastards. I ordered a large decaf with cream and sugar a couple weeks ago, and honestly, I poured it down the drain when I got to my mom's house. The coffee tasted burned and the cream must have been rancid or something. It was undrinkable. So rest assured, your sanity is safe. I'm your dad's friend Beth, and you're welcome for the link on my blog!

[Molly]

I visited a Dunkin Donuts a couple of weeks ago and ordered a medium hazelnut, cream and sugar, and a medium regular, cream only. One of the pots (I couldn't see whether it was the hazelnut or the regular) wasn't full enough to pour a whole cup. The clerk used the other pot to top it off. I said, "One of those was regular, one was hazelnut." She said, "Yeah, I know, that's what I gave you." I said, "I saw you pour coffee into BOTH cups using the SAME POT." She insisted she didn't. That was my last visit to Dunkin' Donuts.

[K]

they always screw my order up. Or something is wrong with it...they're all bastards. And half of them don't speak english so its even worse to get your point across with a langauge barriar. just kill me now all i want is my coffee. >.<

[Dana M. Sion]

Check out this Boston Comedian,
Jim Lauletta does a whole bit about how bad Dunkin Donuts is to people! He also has a video of one of his shows live that he does his "DD bit". Drop him an E-mail, let him know what you think about the double D's
-Dana
http://www.jimlauletta.com/

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