Tom Cruise vs. Brooke Shields: Credibility Comparison Chart

For those of you too distracted by the war in Iraq, the Downing Street memo, or the forthcoming Karl Rove-is-a-traitor-and-perjurer scandal to pay attention to the real news, the big story is the war of words going on between Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise! Their public battle was ignited when Cruise publicly spoke out against Shields’ use of antidepressants to combat post-partum depression. Shields has detailed her struggle with post-partum depression following the birth of her daughter in her bestselling book, Down Came the Rain.

In order to help us all make sense of the Cruise-Shields battle, I have prepared the following Credibility Comparison Chart.

	Tom Cruise	Brooke Shields
Education	high-school dropout	Princeton, Bachelor of Arts
Height	5’7”	6’
Divorces	2	1
PDA	Nauseating	Cheered in the stands while married to ex-husband Andre Agassi
Litigiousness	Will sue anyone who utters that he might be a word that rhymes with "yay." Won one such lawsuit.	Sued a photographer who took nude photos of her as a child and displayed them at an art gallery. Lost.
Ever had a gay acting role?	Wouldn’t go near it with a 10-foot pole	Yes
Slept with Dean Cain?	Maybe	Yes
Religion	Wacky Cult of Scientology	unknown
Royal blood	None	Descended from Henri IV, King of France, the Emperor Charles V, Lucrezia Borgia, and Honore I, Prince of Monaco.
Published author	No	Yes
Smile rating	Grinning maw of phoniness	Just normal
Most famous quote	"You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do."	”Nothing comes between me and my Calvins.”
First-hand experience with post-partum depression	None	Lots

Comments

[Laura]

Lol. Thank you so much for that, you have no idea how much I needed to read something funny! My day is not starting off on the right foot - first my commute took me half an hour extra and caused me to be late, then I find out my rent cheque bounced. Never a good start to the weekend. But at least the entire world is not laughing at me, as is the case for Tom Cruise.

[Ellen]

Laura,
Glad I could help!
Ellen

[Lisa]

Regarding Tom Cruise's now-famous quote: Just think, no one knew he went through years of medical school and did a residency in psychiatry until he modestly mentioned it on the Today show!

[Jody]

You rock. Seriously, this is great.

[Ellen]

Jody,
Thanks! Where's Big Dump Truck? It went away!
Ellen

[Caitlin]

love the chart...an instant classic. I'm still giggling.

[miye]

dude is cruisin' for a bruisin'. A complete LOON-a-tic. Frankly, I can't find any of his movies credible, so why would I find anything else he spews compelling?
very funny, indeed, Ellen

[Jody]

Ellen, sorry, the hosting company was bought out, and the new servers apparently ignored my index.php in favor of home.html (which, by the way, I didn't put in the directory in the first place.) So it was up the whole time, if people used the full url.

[glenn]

now that tom cruise has studied history, he needs to study some biology and chemistry. Denying the existence of chemical imbalances reveals he is a high school drop out.

Good site girl.

[Veegee]

Who looked like a raving lunatic during those months? Tom Cruise looked like HE was on drugs, dark circles under his eyes (maybe dating a gal young enough to be his daughter is too tough on the old man), incomplete sentences, snippy (thot he had PMS frankly), rude, arrogant, agressive, sickening PDA's I guess to prove to the world he WAS in love, etc etc etc
and she looked well dressed, well groomed, healthy, rosy glow, no dark circles, no ranting etc.
And again, like others have said, when Tom actually HAS a baby himself, then he can decide what he wants to do with his body, stay out of women's body and health issues Tommy boy.

[Kris]

You ladies are idiots! Go TOM!!

[Zyber Lexi]

Brooke Shields is too educated to reciprocate to his tirades. Biology, chemistry and analysis of chemical imbalances going on within the human body are not for high school dropouts like Tom. I just could not imagine the enormous amount of time he has to spend to understand what are scientific facts and fictions in every sci-fi movie he stars in. Anything scientific or too technical can be too much for the pea-sized brain of Tom Cruise to fathom out deeply.