Bon Appetit!

I don't understand people who eat on the T.  Eating on the T holds as much appeal for me as dining in the boiler room of the S.S. Poseidon.  With Ernest Borgnine.  It seems like everyone is eating on the T, and not just easy commuting food like muffins, bagels and doughnuts.  I have seen people eating what is distinctly not finger food - lasagna, asparagus, an omelet.  I have seen evidence of full-course meals, a turkey carcass, a hastily abandoned Seder.  Something is not right when the stranger next to you is shoveling food into his face while his thigh is pressed against yours.  And smelling hot, cheesy food, when you're not the one eating it, is the worst. 

The other day, you sat next to me on the Red Line.  You had a briefcase and a gym bag on your lap and a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee in your hand.  "Please God; do not let him spill that on me," I thought.  Then, out of your briefcase, it came.  The Dreaded Croissandwich.  Steak and cheese.  At 8:00 in the morning, for God's sake!  You proceeded to work your way through the hideous meal, while croissant crumbs spilled down onto your sleeves and briefcase.  You did not have a napkin, or maybe you just didn't have a free hand to use one.  I could smell the grease.  I could feel the fat coagulating in your veins (remember, our thighs were touching), with every bite.  By the time I got to Park Street, I was covered in your croissant detritus, the smell of meat and cheese permeating my clothes.  But it's okay.  My morning commute isn't really meant to be about solitude, quiet contemplation or mentally preparing myself for another hectic day at work.  It's about listening to you chew, smelling your rancid fast food, and being your placemat!

Comments

[Lisa]

This brings to mind the caller to a New Jersey radio station who said they saw a woman drive through a toll booth while eating Chinese food with chopsticks and steering the car with her elbows.

[D]

ughh.. The guy across from me on the B-line was demolishing a swiss cheese, pepper, and sausage sandwhich today, napkin-less, dropping pieces of cheese on the T floor.. Other passengers should not be allowed to induce you to vomit, should they? Seems unfair, somehow.

[Ellen]

Yes, it's totally unfair. I don't understand people who go about life on the T as if they are not on the T - I've also seen people clipping their nails. Ewww. And, re: the lady with the chopsticks - don't let the fact that you're driving through a toll booth interfere with your lunch.