Dolls of Dementia

Last night, I was looking up 1960s-era dolls on the Web for my wife, who wanted to see a picture of a childhood favorite, Dolly Darlings.  I had never heard of Dolly Darlings, but I soon learned more than I ever wanted to know.  During our online toy travels, we came across the most demented panoply of dolls one could imagine.  I can only imagine the product development meetings at Hasbro, et al., circa 1965, that resulted in the creation of these. 

First, we surveyed the various Dolly Darlings, none of which looked even remotely familiar to E.  She remembered sweet, innocent Dolly Darlings, and we came across what looked like a selection of characters from Boogie Nights.  And the names...the names.

First, there's Boy Trap.

Hello...?  You're six years old.  You should not be named Boy Trap.

Then we have Teeny Bikini, Fancy Pants and Tea Time:

"Monsieur!  Oh no!  You have caught me dusting the bookshelf incorrectly!"

And why are they all looking off to the side? What are they looking at?

Here we have Ann-Margret and Edie Sedgwick, hanging out at The Factory with Andy and the gang:

Wait a minute; what's Ann-Margret doing at The Factory?  Shouldn't she be in Vegas?

Our online doll travels then took a decidedly sinister turn, as we came upon Peteena the Pampered Poodle.  Peteena doesn't know what she wants to be.  She has a Poodle head and tail, but apparently is also a fashion model.  In this particular version, she is "The Poodle in a Bikini."

Like many in the fashion industry, poor Peteena appears to have an eating disorder.  But that's the least of her problems.  She's a Poodle.  And she's wearing a bikini.  And standing in a decidedly uncanine pose.  I think she has broken all of her bones, for the sake of vanity.

We continued plumbing the depths of doll despair, as we discovered Flower Dolls.  These were apparently meant to capitalize on the Dolly Darling craze, but with a twist.  Each doll came fully ensconced in a flower, with a pin so that they could be played with and worn as a corsage.  This looks like something you'd see on C.S.I. Disneyland.

 

And then we truly entered Hades when we stumbled upon Little Miss No Name.

This hyperthyroid waif is wearing a patched-up burlap sack and has a single tear streaming down her face as she holds her hand out, presumably in the act of asking for alms, a crust of bread, or a used, oily rag with which to wash her face.

What on earth would a child have done wrong to deserve such a doll?  And what were the creators of Little Miss No Name trying to accomplish?   Was this a top-seller?  If anyone had given me Little Miss No Name as a gift, I would have thrown her in the fireplace immediately.  Then those sad, saucer eyes would have haunted me for years.

I really don't know how I managed to get through childhood without knowing about these dolls, but boy am I thankful!  I guess I had a couple of close calls, with Liddle Kiddles (who had names like Short-order cookadiddle and Liddle ADD-diddle) and Flatseys, but I count myself among the fortunate not to have been exposed to these cretinous offerings.

(most of these images are from dollreference.com and ebay)

Comments

[Lisa]

I have to have a Peteena - eBay, here I come! I actually remember Flower Dolls. If I didn't, I would think this whole thing is a bizarre hoax made up by Ellen. The doll I really wanted was made of rubber, had changeable rubber wigs, and even had clothes made of rubber! I got her as a birthday present in the mid-60's. It was one of the few times my mother gave in and actually bought me the tasteless piece of crap I asked for. I can't remember what this doll was called and can't find her on eBay. Does anyone know what I'm talking about??

[Ellen]

I must have Peteena as well. And I have a confession - I am currently bidding on a Dolly Darling/Sally Field/Flying Nun doll, but I'm losing out to someone named "Faeries. I have never bid on anything on eBay, but I must have this doll. I will see if I can find anything out about your rubber doll; she probably had a name like "Rubberhead Rosie."

[david]

It's late, and after seeing little 'Biafra Barbie' I don't think I'll sleep very well.

'Mary Kate Poodle' is also quite disturbing although not too dissimilar (in attire at least) to some of the pets in my grandparents building.

I think those other dolls are looking at their creator, or perhaps captors, as if to say "what the hell were you thinking?" I'm sure of you search hard enough you'll find "roller-girl darling" on EBay somewhere.

These dolls just confirm something I have known since childhood. Firecrackers were invented for a reason!

As for me, I am happy with my 'Brian' figurine from Family Guy. He's the family dog and the only intelligent creature on the show. He sits at my desk with cigarette and martini in hand and reminds me that there are still good role models out there.

[Karen Fleming]

I had a Little Miss No Name doll when I was little. She was my very favorite toy ever. I asked for her for Christmas because I wanted to give her a home. It's too bad others don't have the love of a toy that I had for her.

[JessiLee]

Hey Lisa! I know what you are talking about! I realize this is a year late, but her name is Twinkie and she is hard to find in complete. Best to buy her in the box so her peices are not missing. I like Peteena, she is weird! Little Miss No Name doll is creepy, I rather prefer Blythe for a big eyed dolly!

[Costume Doll]

A friend of mine has a collection of dolls that looks like that and they are really cute.

Kris

[bon]

I remember when I was a kid, I wanted Peteena sooo bad for Christmas, and Santa Claus didn't disappoint me. I got my Peteena doll, along with some of her fashions. I still have my Peteena, but I need to find patterns for some clothes for her.

[Mary]

I have been thinking of the rubber doll too and couldn't remember her name but I can see the box as plain as day. I think mine had a brown ponytail and all the rubber clothes. Wish I had saved it. Also had a Tammy doll with her bed and all the things go with it.

[generic viagra]

It was one of the few times that my mother actually gave up and bought me tasteless piece of shit that I ordered without any familiarity.

[Jordan 6]

Maybe you got annoyed at hearing a popular female doll say that to little girls.

[radii supras]

I "like" you on Facebook. Would love these for my oldest boy!

[supra for kids]

Ban on women driving should be considered world wide... :-) I would never allow my wife driving my car.. :-)