Worst Toys of 2005

According to CNN/Money, the organization World Against Toys Causing Harm, aka W.A.T.C.H., issued its annual 10 Worst Toys list for 2005. The honorees are:

• The Camouflage Water Bomb Fun Kit - Yay! Combine camouflage with bombs, and you've got f-u-n fun!
• The Splatmatic Pistol Splat Paintball Shooter. I kid you not. Splatmatic? I'll bet they trademarked that branding stroke of genius right away.
• Lord of the Rings Crossbow Set. Hmm. Another brilliant idea. Give that kid a crossbow! And make sure he has access to some small, furry animals, as well as a pesky little sister following him around.
• Kickaroos Anti-Gravity Boots. Gravity exists for a reason. Gravity will keep you safe. Don't fuck with gravity.
• Baby Serena - Baby I'm Yours. With chewable limbs.
• Animal Alley Ponies - according to CNN/Money, " The soft, colorful ponies aimed at infants have long, fiberlike hair that can be hazardous." I love this description. It starts out so lyrical, so gentle, and ends with choking-on-hair imagery. And the use of the word "alley" troubles me. It makes me think of cuddly, cute, bacteria-laden vermin, rooting through garbage cans in a back alley.
• City Blocks - sounds like an innocent set of building blocks, but they're really cinder blocks dripping with hazardous waste.
• Hasbro's Star Wars - Revenge of the Sith Energy Beam Blaster, "which comes with pressurized 'energy-beam string canisters.'" I don't even know what that means, but it sounds like a recipe for disaster.
• Little Mommy Bath Baby Doll - This one confuses me. Is the baby a Mommy? Is Mommy giving the baby a bath? Or is the baby giving its mommy a bath? And why is it dangerous, when it sounds so innocent? Is the mommy Andrea Yates?
• Fantastic 4 Electronic Thing Hands -- a pair of oversized fists. Are they things, or hands? And why are they in a fist position? Why not in an extended index finger position, for better, eye-poking fun? This toy comes with a warning: "Do not strike any person, pet or inanimate object with Thing Hands, as serious injury could result." What are kids supposed to do with them, set them up on the coffee table and admire them for their aesthetic appeal?

"Do not strike any person or thing with these. Just admire them, for they are a beautiful work of art."

Comments

[Beth]

Ooh. That Andrea Yates comment. One of those moments where I laugh because it's funny, but feel bad for laughing because on another level, it's not funny. But then I have chuckle aftershocks, so on balance, it tips toward funny.

[Bill]

I'm getting the hands ... just to walk around with them protruding from my coat sleeves.