U.S. Launches Initiative to Conserve Energy, Make Us Happy

As a follow-up to the early implementation of Daylight Savings Time, which began yesterday morning at 2:00am, the U.S. Congress has quietly passed a law mandating that, effective next Sunday, March 18th at midnight, March will officially become June. All residents are urged to move their calendars three pages ahead, to avoid any confusion.

"Not only will making June earlier this year save lots of energy," said Congressman Ed Markey, who spearheaded the original Daylight Savings Time measure, "having summer arrive three months earlier than usual will lift everyone’s spirits!" He added, "Next Sunday, you can turn off your heat, plan your weekends at the beach and get out your gas grill!"

While the early arrival of June promises to lift the spirits of many, some business and educational leaders are noting that the calendar change will have other ramifications. “It’s going to be a bitch to try to schedule meetings,” said Spencer Haven, CEO of SpagTek, Ltd.

"My class is going to go bonkers when I tell them school’s getting out three months early," noted Leslie Bugg, an elementary school teacher from Waukesha, Wisconsin. "My birthday’s in April," her 5 year-old son Preston added, sadly.