U.S. Launches Initiative to Conserve Energy, Make Us Happy

As a follow-up to the early implementation of Daylight Savings Time, which began yesterday morning at 2:00am, the U.S. Congress has quietly passed a law mandating that, effective next Sunday, March 18th at midnight, March will officially become June. All residents are urged to move their calendars three pages ahead, to avoid any confusion.

"Not only will making June earlier this year save lots of energy," said Congressman Ed Markey, who spearheaded the original Daylight Savings Time measure, "having summer arrive three months earlier than usual will lift everyone’s spirits!" He added, "Next Sunday, you can turn off your heat, plan your weekends at the beach and get out your gas grill!"

While the early arrival of June promises to lift the spirits of many, some business and educational leaders are noting that the calendar change will have other ramifications. “It’s going to be a bitch to try to schedule meetings,” said Spencer Haven, CEO of SpagTek, Ltd.

"My class is going to go bonkers when I tell them school’s getting out three months early," noted Leslie Bugg, an elementary school teacher from Waukesha, Wisconsin. "My birthday’s in April," her 5 year-old son Preston added, sadly.

Comments

[TriSec]

So, with "daylight savings" being the norm for 8 months of the year now, is that the new Standard Time?

What do we call it in winter now? "Dark Times"?

[Lisa B.]

I had loads of fun trying to explain daylight savings time to the Russian woman who is caring for my mother-in-law and has to make sure she takes her medication at specific intervals.

[david]

Just as one would expect, the price of oil is rising to meet this "energy saving" initiative.

When are we going to learn that it's all smoke and mirrors?

[Jill]

Where are you and when are you coming back?

[AlisonRose]

Ditto what Jill said--we miss you!

[Kirk]

I think we should just stick to the good old fashioned sun dial and tidal patterns. The whole thing seems way too over-thought.